school life hasnt been better. Its very hard to concentrate in school bcos the bloody scene keeps coming back. and i get very angry when i rmb the bestfriend thing. os its like few days b4 the event, she kept saying tt she hate him alot. dan on last wed, she talk to him bloody happy, they laughing like nobody's business.ithurt me alot tt day. dan she said tt she would wait for me, she said tt she would keep waiting no matter what.but she did not. i should not have went tt friday, it was the most hurtful thing tt i could take. nobody would undetstand the pain I went through even uptil now. I cried and cried. the pain filled my heart with hatred and betrayal. I nvr expect her to do this to me. I'll always rmb wad she told me last year. 'I would put you before me'. but she what she replied my msg told me tt she no longer cared abt me for i nolonger gave her happiness. some1 else did and with tt....I was deeply cut. The pain hasnt resolve uptil now.once in a while I hit my head a couple of times to get rid of the genjutsu. I wake up with nightmares abt her. I feel so helpless...

I cant trust anyone but myself. She alone took away trust from my heart. I have been very unresponsive towards her these past few days but I will try. I will keep on trying to treat her nicely but its gonna be tough for i do not trust her anymore. I'm scared of her actually, I'm scared tt she might do smthing again tt would make me explode and i will hurt everyone around me. It was already hard to control myself tt friday. I actually punched the table tennis table when no 1 was looking. I guess I will have to slowly develop trust for her again.
Trust is easy to lose but it is hard to be regained.