school life hasnt been better. Its very hard to concentrate in school bcos the bloody scene keeps coming back. and i get very angry when i rmb the bestfriend thing. os its like few days b4 the event, she kept saying tt she hate him alot. dan on last wed, she talk to him bloody happy, they laughing like nobody's business.ithurt me alot tt day. dan she said tt she would wait for me, she said tt she would keep waiting no matter what.but she did not. i should not have went tt friday, it was the most hurtful thing tt i could take. nobody would undetstand the pain I went through even uptil now. I cried and cried. the pain filled my heart with hatred and betrayal. I nvr expect her to do this to me. I'll always rmb wad she told me last year. 'I would put you before me'. but she what she replied my msg told me tt she no longer cared abt me for i nolonger gave her happiness. some1 else did and with tt....I was deeply cut. The pain hasnt resolve uptil now.once in a while I hit my head a couple of times to get rid of the genjutsu. I wake up with nightmares abt her. I feel so helpless...

I cant trust anyone but myself. She alone took away trust from my heart. I have been very unresponsive towards her these past few days but I will try. I will keep on trying to treat her nicely but its gonna be tough for i do not trust her anymore. I'm scared of her actually, I'm scared tt she might do smthing again tt would make me explode and i will hurt everyone around me. It was already hard to control myself tt friday. I actually punched the table tennis table when no 1 was looking. I guess I will have to slowly develop trust for her again.
Trust is easy to lose but it is hard to be regained.

School life is soooo hard to carry on. Its so hard to concentrate when it keeps on coming back to my head. I banged it on 7different occasions tdy. 3 during chinese. 3during chem and once during ch. I just recalled tt you have a bestfriend and it shattered me to see tt msg again. Its pain, real pain. I'm so scared to go school now tt I have no intention to go school. my heart is broken and no one is there to mend it forme. I wish i nvr chose smb sec. what you're doing is not helping me find back my happiness, its preventing me from ever becoming happy again. You need to realise tt.

I rely need you ..... why did you go missing? I'm desperately finding for you.=''(

Anger is building up inside me again. I cant control it. So now I know it wasnt even an accident. Its was intentional. My heart is pounding furiously again, the beast is coming out again. luckily fabian is here. I behaving like an animal again. Why did u do it knowing tt i would change into this. shit, i'm shaking all over. i nid to be leashed up or smthing. can anyone control me?

Each time I think abt it, anger builds up inside of me. Even until now, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IS IT TO SLEEP WITH THE ANGER BOILING INSIDE YOU? My eyes are pain from the tears I cried ytd. My heart hasnt stop pounding furiously and my body constantly gives off the heat tt I build up in me. The ever once lovely person did all this to me and Idk why I deserve this?i ask myself. thousands of things stir up inside my mind and I am real confused and scared on wad to do next. I woke up 5times in the morning tossing and turning abt wad to do. I even dreamt abt me punching somebody and banging his face against the wall. My emotions have been spoiled. I can no longer feel happiness anymore. The clementhappy is no longer going to smile. Its so hard to carry on living like this. Its so painful. DO you know ?!DOYOU?! Do YOU?! You dont, all you tot abt was pleasing yourself with him.All you can say is sorry and youwillgoaway........sobs.typical




wad i rely need is someone to be there to comfort me.=(

Is anyone there for me? Is there anyone who I can trust?

Down from the greatest impact tt happenend to me.I guess the person didnt keep to their promise, there was no waiting at all. I'm filled with hatred and anger.LIke a demon has been unleashed inside me. My whole body is abt to explode. I've lost my will to carry on schooling. I felt confused and scared. I've nvr acted like this b4. its a total mixture of anger and sadness. ! moment i might be shouting out and the next, crying away. My happiness has been destroyed by a certain somebody and its replaced by depression. I knew it, I knew it all along. God was giving me signs tt it would happen and I know now tt I am no longer loved. My leg aches, my head aches from the hittting of the wall. I found out tt I have three Bukit Timahs when I got hm. but the HEART aches the most.......it cries and screams out to me every time I think abt it. And I know tt it was no accident. for it was all laughter and happiness for them. I give up, I can nvr forgive anyone who does tt, knowing tt I would blow. The scene haunts me every second causing me to look like an idiot. People around me kept staring cos I would be wailing 1 moment and shaking my head the next. My anger cannot be expressed by words or actions. Its is too much to be expressed. Its a dynamite in me ready to go off anytime. I'm sure many people saw the second stage of me tdy. I have nvr felt so much anger before. I felt so scared right now. I pray tt god will take my life in my sleep tonight.
Many thx to Fird, Acap, Ghaf, Ran and to all those who were there to comfort me.

One love, Dont break it. I have no more tears to spare.

I tried to forget it all tdy by not going to sch.but apparently, the scenes keep coming back to haunt me. it totally disgusts me. I wish I can jump down the building or smthing to forget everything and put everything behind. I dontwant to see the day when I will get mock at for being a loser. I know its coming soon. I cant concentrate on anything, the scenes just keep coming back.I guess I would flunk my sa then.=(


Changed my songs to fit my mood this few days. Tears drip from my eyes until i got sharingan liao. Idk whether to go sch tmr.Even if i do, idk whether i can control my feelings.

The smile hasnt been revived yet.
Can anyone help me find it back?

you left me in the lurch again. i actually still want you. i want to go to ur voiddeck to talk things over again.but it seems like you dont care
you nvr cared, u didnt even care for me when i was in my deepest and darkest time. only ghafran was there. nvm, tmr you can have all the fun you want. iknow you will, you will be able to feel happy.

tdy is officially my worst day. why? dont ask me. The moment i woke up, i knew i shouldnt have comed sch. and i was right. but i made the wrong decision whih ended up myself in this state. my world is tumbling down on me. my smile wont seem to revive itself. clement wong can no longer be happy. I shouldnt have done it, and I regret it. so i know tt its time to let go. i cant take the sorrow anymore. its too pain for me to take. I dont want it anymore, leave me alone from now onwards and carry on ur laughing ways for we just dont match. you are free to find other bfs to flirt with and i wont stop you from doing tt for i can see tt tts wad makes you happy. when you're laughing with other boys or talking to them. so pleasepleaseplease leave me alone............................my heart was aching so much during english lesson. thnks to ms rita for treating me so nicely.but i just couldnt tell her the truth. I was so pain i wanted to jump down tt very moment. i nvr want to experience tt again.
i dont want it anymore, you're free...........d0nt lie to yourself.

I am confused. why does everything have to come to this? maybe letting go is the best alternative cos we just dont seem to get along. we have 2 different personalities and we have different views on many things. no point of me saying all this now, you wanna let go anyway.....

This two days are very special tdy. I manage to see why some ppl ignore each other. and I made a new good friend. it all started when I became an escort. you see....poor fbk has been ignore by codename t.m.d for 2years already. he's very poor thing and i pity him greatly. but i managed to hear from the other party. and she's not that bad after all. after alot of interagation, i might be a little fair to tmd after all. but i still feel tt she shouldnt do this to fbk for his 1 of the nicest guys on earth. + he still planning to buy her a present on her b'day leh. but she dont want accept. sian.nvm, i shall leave them to settle their own problem.

Been feeling very down and moody this whole week. Havent been feeling positive for a week, i'm undergoing a change and its changing for the worst. Everyone should stay away from me for their own sake.
Been feeling so unloved and uncared for. I have a feeling that I'm just substitute. Is there anyone that can open the lock in my heart? Why do I always have this feeling?
Even though aj and ilham broke up. I'm sure they'll be back tgt soon for I saw the loneliness in her eyes when she talked to me abt him on thursday for tt was the day it all started for them.

currently not feeling so good, something is missing and idk wad it is. therefore, i'm playing naruto wars to cheer myself up.

hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tts not wad im trying to say! In fact i didnt even tell you i didnt want you. Idk why you're making all this assumptions about me wanting to leave you. Why are you saying all this like i'm so bad and all.
yes, i have been very hard on you this year. but I did not say I didnt want you just because I couldnt come. In fact, Ididnt even tell you i didnt love you. cos I do!!!!I do. I do. I do!!!!!
i wish you would stop this nonsense right now. I didnt say anything about leaving you or not wanting you. I was just angry tt friday and I wish you would snap out of this. You making me mad cos you didnt even make things clear to me before getting angry. Its totally not fair but it ok.


cos I love you!

its not tt i dont want you. but cant you see!!!!!!! even ppl are telling you to leave me. isnt it so clear you're too good for me. its just tt i dontappreciate you somehow. its better you listen to their advise. i suck and tts how most ppl picture me. i'm constantly selfish and i dont change. its a big fking problem i have so why would you even want me. save your tears for some other guy. there are much better ppl out there. save yourself 1st b4 it gets too deep. I'm really not worth it. do what rekha says, she totally right. and I'm not trying to be sarcastic now. its all the truth. so dont tell me you still want me, its so clear tt we're not meant for each other. no, its clear tt i'm not meant for you.


p.s. I didnt want to make it a big problem. my maybe wasnt what i meant. you just exagerated too much on msn.

havent been posting for long but sch kinda sux now. the only thing i love about sch is my dearest